Dating Level Up

In this impactful episode, Heather Godby explores the transformative power of self-love and inner work on dating in today's complex world. She tackles the exhaustion of app-based dating and the societal pressure to prioritize tactics over genuine connection. Discover why leveling up makes dating both harder and more rewarding, as your standards align with your true worth. Learn to recognize red flags, set powerful boundaries, and embrace emotional intelligence as a key to deeper, more authentic relationships. Heather inspires listeners to trust their intuition and choose themselves, even when the universe tests their new standards. 

What You'll Learn:

• How self-love changes your dating perspective and raises your standards.
• The challenges and rewards of dating after significant personal growth.
• Why emotional intelligence is crucial for authentic connections.
• The difference between healthy boundaries and defensive walls.
• How to recognize and navigate tests from the universe.
• The importance of choosing yourself and trusting your intuition.

Lead with your heart, lead with emotional intelligence, and transform your world one connection at a time. #DearHeather #DatingLevelUp #SelfLoveJourney #EmotionalIntelligence #Boundaries

Connect With Heather:
Instagram: @dearheather__
TikTok: @dearheather__

This podcast is proudly produced by PS Studios, learn more at www.psstudios.co

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Once you level up, you do not go back. Dating boundaries, the woo-woo, and the why the universe keeps testing you. Okay, guys, let's talk about dating. And I know some of you just perked up, and some of you probably had that groan in your stomach, like, oh, dating, honestly, now. And both reactions are completely valid. Dating in this era is a lot. It's apps and algorithms and swipe culture and situationships and people who will text you every single day for two weeks and then vanish into thin air like they never existed. I know that all too well. And here's a fun fact that I really enjoyed. A 2024 Forbes Health survey found that 78% of dating app users report feeling emotionally, mentally, or physically exhausted by the experience. 78%, you guys, we're not connecting. We are legitimately burning out. And here's what nobody talks about. What happens when you try to date after you've done that inner work, after you've fallen in love with yourself, after you've leveled up and you know, in your bones, what you deserve and what you don't. And it gets harder. It gets better, but it gets harder at the same time. And today, I guess let's talk about why. The problem with dating after you've done that inner work in self-love is a whole discussion. So welcome back to Dear Heather. I'm Heather Godby, and today's episode might ruffle some feathers. Fair warning. Here's the thing about self-love that nobody prepares you for. Once you truly start loving yourself, like not the performative kind, the real, the deep, I know who I am kind. You will never go back to old patterns. You just physically, emotionally, spiritually, you cannot do it. I know that. It's almost like your entire system gets upgraded and the old software, if you will, just won't run anymore. The things you used to tolerate, they become unbearable. The red flags that you used to like rationalize, they're on fire. You see them a mile away, and that is beautiful. But it's also incredibly lonely because the dating pool looks very different when you raise your standards to match your self-worth. You're no longer looking for someone to complete you to complete you. You're looking for someone who compliments the person you've already become. And that's a much smaller pool, but it's the pool of the right kind of people. So let me zoom out on that for a second because this isn't just about dating. This is about how our entire society operates now. We live in a world that is very fast, relentlessly fast. Everything is optimized, strategized, and calculated. We have algorithms for almost everything. And somewhere in all of that strategy, we lost ourselves. We lost the heart. We lost the authenticity of who we are. We've become a society that values tactics over truth, that rewards people who play the game instead of people who are genuine. We're emotional intelligence, the ability to actually feel to read a room, to sit with discomfort, to be vulnerable is treated like a weakness instead of the superpower that I feel it actually is. Think about it. When the last time someone told you that feeling is a deep advantage, that being emotionally intelligent makes you a better partner, a better parent, a better leader. We don't hear that enough. Instead, we hear don't catch feelings, keep your guard up, don't let them see you, care. And we wonder why connection is so hard to garner these days. We're all walking around with armor on, waiting for the other person to take theirs off first, which doesn't make any sense. Everybody stays alone and guarded. What's the point? Boundaries are not walls, and this is where I'm gonna get a little woo-woo. So let me get a little woo-woo with you for just a minute because I think this is where it all comes together. When you do the inner work, when you learn who you are, when you start loving yourself for real, something shifts energetically. And I don't mean that as a metaphor, I mean your your literal frequency changes. The energy you put out into the world is different, and that means what comes back to you is gonna be different too. You start attracting differently. People who are aligned with where you are now are going to show up, and people who were aligned with where you were, they are going to fall away. That's not cruelty, that is alignment. And your gut already knows this. Neuroscience now defines intuition as the brain's ability to make rapid, accurate decisions, conscious reasoning, and it's your nervous system processing thousands of signals your conscious mind can't track. Studies are now showing that people with higher introspective awareness, meaning they're more tuned into their body's signals, actually make better decisions, especially in complex situations. Your gut is literally smarter than your overthinking brain. You have to trust it. And here's the part that requires your courage. You have to hold your boundaries even when it hurts, even when you really, really, really, really don't want to, and when you really care about someone. Caring about someone and tolerating behavior that doesn't match your worth are two completely different things. You can love someone and still walk away. You can miss someone and still know they're just not right for you. You can want it to work and still honor the part of you that just knows it won't. And I don't think that that is being cold. That's not even being difficult. That is self-love and action, and it's the hardest version of self-love there is because you're choosing yourself. A boundary isn't a wall. A wall says I'm keeping everyone out because I'm scared. A boundary says I know my worth, and I'm not negotiating it. One comes from fear, the other comes from love, and people can feel the difference. The universe will test you. You got to pay attention. Now, here's the woo-woo truth that the universe will test you every single time you level up, every single time you set a new standard for how you want to be loved. The universe undoubtedly is going to send you a test. And that test usually shows up looking exactly like the thing you just said you were done with. Maybe a little shinier, a little bit more churning, a little bit more charming, a little bit more convincing. It's like the universe saying, okay, really, you sure, because here's a really attractive version of your old pattern. Let's see if you mean it. And sometimes you're not gonna pass. I haven't always passed, and that's okay. That is completely human. The lesson comes back around over and over. The universe is patient like that. You have to listen to it. But when you do catch it, when you feel that old pull and you recognize it for what it is, and you choose yourself anyway, that's when you know you leveled up. That's real. That's when you know the self-love isn't just talk, it's wired in your bones. Pay attention to that pattern, pay attention to the synchronicities, pay attention when the same type of person keeps showing up or the same lesson keeps knocking on your door. The universe isn't punishing you. It is asking you, are you ready to choose differently? And so, what if we made emotional intelligence the standard? I want to leave you with a bigger thought because this isn't just about dating. This is about how we're connecting as humans across the board. What if we lived in a world where emotional intelligence was valued as much as, say, an IQ? Because here's why that matters. Research shows emotional intelligence accounts for 58% of success in any job. People with high EQ earn $29,000 higher on average per year, and 90% of high performers have high emotional intelligence. Imagine what those numbers look like when you apply them to relationships. What if the ability to hold space for somebody's pain was seen as strength and not softness or weakness? It was maybe a baseline for connection. Can we normalize that for once? If you can be brave enough to be vulnerable with just one person, to take the armor off, to say what you actually feel, to risk rejection in the name of authenticity, you can do it everywhere with your kids, with your colleagues, with strangers, and even with yourself. And that kind of courage, it's literally contagious. So here's what I'll leave you with. If you've done the work and are dating and it feels harder than ever, that's good. That means your standards are finally matching your worth. Don't lower them. The right person won't ask you to. They will show up. If you're in a situation right now where you care deeply about someone, but you know in your gut that something isn't right, it just feels off. You have to trust that. You have to trust yourself. You didn't come to this realization and this far to not meet yourself where you are. Don't go back. If the universe is testing you and you know exactly what I'm talking about, you know. Take a breath, recognize the pattern and choose the version of yourself you fought so hard to become. You don't go back, you don't waver, not after all of this, no way. Not after everything you built inside of yourself. You have to lead with your heart, lead with emotional intelligence, lead with the kind of love that starts with you and radiates outward. That's how we change the way we connect you guys. That's how we change relationships, that's how we change the world. And every movement starts with a single conversation. This one is ours. So let's change the world. One discussion at a time. This has been Dear Heather. Thank you for tuning in. All right, you guys, that's a wrap on this one. But the conversation doesn't end here. It just can't. So here's how you become part of the movement. Share this episode with someone who needs it. Follow the show so you're always in the room when it matters. Drop a review. It's how new people find us. And tag me on social media because we're going to be able to do